It’s been a long time since I posted anything in here. From now on, I will start to put my thoughts and musings here rather than on Facebook. I think that makes sense. I believe my vulnerable and at times semi-philosophical musings do not necessarily fit the ethos of Facebook. They must be jarring when set against people’s photos and postings about their kids and about what they ate and have done. So, I make a move here. While it’s unclear how many people will read this, writing in here, I imagine, may ultimately be like whispering into a stone. Yet, I hear people whispered their musings into stones. I imagine, much like me as I type this, that there was some sort of release of the soul.
My first musing…
I realize that often I am mean and petty to those closest or to those most important to me. My insecurities and deep felt fears make me small and they make me lash out at those around me especially at those that exercise great influence and power over me. I suppose this is a good realization. It means that now I can deal with it.
Today, this week, I will not be mean and petty. By myself I have not the power to overcome my limitations. So, I ask the supreme being (which I will call God for facility) to grant me the power to be a generous and kind man, to love and embrace those around me and beyond. Maybe I speak to a universe devoid of such being, and am simply calling forth the best versions and the power of my subconscious, maybe embracing God (where no such God exists) is like going for broke within myself. Saying I will leap against my barriers and limitations in full faith that I can smash through. I will do so blindly, with faith in something out there. Maybe it is such faith that despite an empty universe makes one succeed. Imbued with the strength of a mother wrecked by betrayal and divorce, I call forth the words she uttered as she fought back against her sorrow and depression, “My life starts today.”